*Why Italian / Indian Women Need Therapy*
*Phone Call*

Italian Mother:
'Hello?'

Daughter:
'Hi Mom. Can I leave the kids with you tonight?'

Italian Mother:
'You're going out?'

Daughter:
'Yes.'

Italian Mother:
'With whom?'

Daughter:
'With a friend.'

Italian Mother:
'I don't know why you left your husband. He is such a good man.'

Daughter:
'MOM, I didn't leave him. He left me!'

Italian Mother:
'You let him leave you, and now you go out with anybodies and nobodies.'

Daughter:
'MA, I do not go out with anybody. Can I bring over the kids?'

Italian Mother:
'I never left you to go out with anybody except your father.'

Daughter:
'There are lots of things that you did and I don't.'

Italian Mother:
'What are you hinting at?'

Daughter:
'Nothing, I just want to know if I can bring the kids over tonight'

Italian Mother:
'You're going to stay the night with him? What will your husband say if he finds out?'

Daughter:
'MA its My EX husband. I don't think he would be bothered. From the day he left me, he probably never slept alone!'

Italian Mother:
'So you're going to sleep over at this loser's place?'

Daughter:
'MOM, He's not a loser.'

Italian Mother:
'A man who goes out with a divorced woman with children is a loser and a parasite.'

Daughter:
'MA, I don't want to argue; should I bring over the kids or not?'

Italian Mother:
'Poor children with such a mother.'

Daughter:
'Such a what?'

Italian Mother:
'With no stability.. No wonder your husband left you.'

Daughter:
'EN O UGH MA!!!'

Italian Mother:
'Don't scream at me. You probably scream at the loser too!'

Daughter:
'Great MA, Now you're worried about the loser?'

Italian Mother:
'Ah, so you see he is a loser and I spotted him immediately.'

Daughter:
'Goodbye, mother.'

Italian Mother:
'Wait! Wait! Don't hang up! When are you bringing them over?

Daughter:
'I'm not bringing them over! I'm not going out!'

Italian Mother:
'If you never go out, how do you expect to meet anyone?

A woman and a man are involved in a car accident... Both of their cars are totally demolished, but amazingly neither of them is hurt.

After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, "So you're a man, that's interesting. I'm a woman. Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but fortunately we are unhurt...

This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days."

Flattered, the man replied, "Oh yes, I agree with you completely!"

This must be a sign from God!" The woman continued, "And look at this, here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break...

Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune."

Then she hands the bottle to the man. The man nods his head in agreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman. The woman takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man.

The man asks, "Aren't you having any?"

The woman replies, "No. I think I'll just wait for the police..."

Job application

I NEED A JOB
I will be available in January 2009, and I am willing to relocate.

RESUME: GEORGE W. BUSH
1600 Pennsylvania Avenue
Washington, DC 20520

LAW ENFORCEMENT:
I was arrested in Kennebunkport , Maine , in 1976 for driving under the influence of alcohol. I plead guilty, paid a fine, and had my driver's license suspended for 30 days. My Texas driving record has been 'lost' and is not available..

MILITARY:
I joined the Texas Air National Guard and went AWOL. I refused to take a drug test or answer any questions about my drug use. By joining the Texas Air National Guard, I was able to avoid combat duty in Vietnam.

EDUCATION AND EXPERIENCE:
I graduated from Yale University with a low C average. I was a cheerleader.

PAST WORK EXPERIENCE:
*              I ran for U.S. Congress and lost.
*              I began my career in the oil business in Midland , Texas in 1975.
                I bought an oil company, but couldn't find any oil in Texas.
                The company went bankrupt shortly after I sold all my stock.
*              I bought the Texas Rangers baseball team in a sweetheart deal

that took land using taxpayer money.
*              With the help of my father and our friends in the oil industry

(including Enron CEO Ken Lay), I was elected governor of Texas .

ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS GOVERNOR OF TEXAS :
*              I changed Texas pollution laws to favor power and oil companies,

makingTexas the most polluted state in the Union. During my
tenure, Houston replaced Los Angeles as the most smog-ridden
city in America .

*              I cut taxes and bankrupted the Texas treasury to the tune of
billions in borrowed money.

*              I set the record for the most executions by any governor in

American history.
*              With the help of my brother, the governor of Florida , and my

father's   appointments to the Supreme Court, I became President

of the United States, after losing by over 500,000 votes.

ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS PRESIDENT:
*              I am the first President in U.S. history to enter office with a

criminal record.
*              I invaded and occupied two countries at a continuing cost of over

one billion dollars per week.
*              I spent the U.S. surplus and effectively bankrupted the U.S.

Treasury.
*              I shattered the record for the largest annual deficit in U.S. history.
*              I set an economic record for most private bankruptcies filed in

any 12-month period.
*              I set the all-time record for most foreclosures in a 12-month

period.
*              I set the all-time record for the biggest drop in the history of the

U.S. stock  market.
*              In my first year in office, over 2 million Americans lost their jobs

and that trend continues.
*              I'm proud that the members of my cabinet are the richest of any

administration in U.S. history. My 'poorest millionaire,

'Condoleezza Rice, has a Chevron oil tanker named after her.
*              I set the record for most campaign fund-raising trips by a U.S.

President.

I am the all-time U.S. and world record -holder for receiving the

most corporate campaign donations. My largest lifetime campaign

contributor, and one of my best friends,  Kenneth Lay, presided

over the largest corporate bankruptcy fraud in U.S. history, Enron.
*              My political party used Enron private jets and corporate attorneys

to assure my success with the U.S. Supreme Court during my

election decision.
*              I have protected my friends at Enron and Halliburton against

investigation or prosecution.
*              More time and money was spent investigating the Monica

Lewinsky affair than has been spent investigating one of the

biggest corporate rip-offs in history.
*              I presided over the biggest energy crisis in U.S. history and

refused to intervene when corruption involving the oil industry

was revealed..
*              I presided over the highest gasoline prices in U.S. history.
*              I changed the U.S. policy to allow convicted criminals to be

awarded government contracts.
*              I appointed more convicted criminals to my administration than

any President in U.S. history.
*              I created the Ministry of Homeland Security, the largest

bureaucracy in the history of the United States Government.
*              I've broken more international treaties than any President in

U.S. history.

*              I am the first President in U.S. history to have the United Nations

remove the U.S. from the Human Rights Commission.
*              I withdrew the U.S. from the World Court of Law.
*              I refused to allow inspector's access to U.S. 'prisoners of war'

detainees and thereby have refused to abide by the Geneva

Convention.
*              I am the first President in history to refuse United Nations

election inspectors (during the 2002 US election).
*              I set the record for fewest numbers of press conferences of

any President since the advent of television.
*              I set the all-time record for most days on vacation in any

one-year period.
*              After taking off the entire month of August, I presided over the

worst security failure in U.S. history.
*              I garnered the most sympathy ever for the U.S. after the

World Trade Center attacks and less than a year later made

the U.S. the most hated country in the world, the largest failure

of diplomacy in world history.
*              I have set the all-time record for most people worldwide to

simultaneously protest me in public venues (15 million people),

shattering the record for protests against any person in the history

of mankind.
*              I am the first President in U.S. history to order an unprovoked,

preemptive attack and the military occupation of a sovereign nation.

I did so against the will of the United Nations, the majority of U.S.

Citizens and the world community.
*              I have cut health care benefits for war veterans and support a

cut in duty benefits for active duty troops and their families in

wartime.
*              In my State of the Union Address, I lied about our reasons for

attacking Iraq and then blamed the lies on our British friends.
*              I am the first President in history to have a majority of Europeans

(71%) view my presidency as the biggest threat to world peace and

security.
*              I am supporting development of a nuclear 'Tactical Bunker Buster,'

a WMD.
*              I have so far failed to fulfill my pledge to bring Osama Bin Laden to

justice.

RECORDS AND REFERENCES:
*              All records of my tenure as governor of Texas are now in my father's

library, sealed and unavailable for public view.
*              All records of SEC investigations into my insider trading and my

bankrupt companies are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for

public view.
*              All records or minutes from meetings that I, or my Vice-President

attended, regarding public energy policy are sealed in secrecy and

unavailable for public review.
*              I specified that my sealed documents will not be available for

50 years